jkefka: (Yatzhee Bother This Nonsense)
[personal profile] jkefka
Dear dev team of Sonic Unleashed:

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you on a job well done. The Sonic run-fast levels of Sonic Unleashed are the best 3D iteration of Sonic to date. For the first time you have provided evidence that you have learned something over the past decade, and put it to good use. The levels are fast-paced, fun, have multiple routes for the clever and quick-reflexed, and are not of the Sonic Advance "just hold right and you'll get there eventually" school of design. I have to work for my level completions again, and what's more I will have to work much harder to get good ranks on them. The bosses, at least so far, have also been excellent. The first run-fast boss required fast reflexes, learning his attack patterns, and like all good Sonic bosses as soon as you had him figured out you got him down to half health and all of his attack patterns changed. Bringing him down was very satisfying and took a great deal of attention, and working out how to bring him down faster will be more satisfying still.

Now, to talk about the God of Werehog portions of the game, let me introduce my compatriot Fred. Fred, the perceptive among you may notice, is a big stick with a bunch of nails pounded through it. You will all come to have an intimate knowledge of Fred's opinions of the terrible controls, poorly planned quicktime events, inconsistent ledge-grab mechanics, Prince of Persia rip-off jumping puzzles, made yet more frustrating by the afore-mentioned ledge-grabbing issues, and the imitation Zelda box-dragging puzzles. Most of all you will come to understand what Fred thinks of the fact that you have to play as many of these wretched punishments as you do fun Sonic stages, and often have to slog your way through one or more to get to the good stuff. It is my hope that you will learn that, when you have created something good, you should not proceed to mix it in with the most heinous of shit. At least in Sonic Adventure 2 you got to drive around in a kickass mecha when you weren't making a mockery of land-speed records, now you just get to play Kratos in a furry suit.

What the fuck, gentlemen. What. The. Fuck.
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jkefka: (Default)

January 2011

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